


Insecurities (or How to Talk to Your Lovers)

by EvalynnMesserli



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lack of Communication, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 01:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvalynnMesserli/pseuds/EvalynnMesserli
Summary: Windblade, Starscream, and Bumblebee all have insecurities in their relationship. Little do they know, those insecurities are more similar than they think. For Windscream week





	Insecurities (or How to Talk to Your Lovers)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I did it. Took forever but I did it. For Windscream week: OT3

Windblade sometimes felt like an outsider.

She knew it was stupid, Starscream and Bumblebee had readily welcomed her into the relationship. They treated her well and clearly adored her. Neither had given any kind of indication of excluding her in anyway, sometimes she even had to remind them that they could do things on their own without her. 

Yet the feeling still remained.

This quiet, nagging feeling that she’s the third wheel. Expendable. Not needed. Unbalanced

It’s not all the time, only occasionally. Normally she felt perfectly included and equally loved. An important part of the relationship that they adored and wanted to be with just as badly as they wanted each other. There were moments, however, where she felt like the exact opposite.

It was the little things, how comfortable Starscream and Bee acted around each other, the way the spoke and joked and banted. They had such a deep understanding with each other that sometimes speaking wasn’t needed. They’d immediately notice when something was wrong and somehow be able to figure it out with little prompting or communication. Sure, sometimes Starscream had trouble comforting Bee, he’s not used to those kinds of things, but the fact that he was clearly trying was sometimes enough to offer a bit of comfort.

They had this connection that she could never hope to understand. This utter adoration they shared bore from years upon years of being each other’s only confidant with Bee being a silent spector by Starscream’s side. The desperation the two had to touch and hold each other born from those years of being unable to touch. She’d seen what had happened after Starscream had been brought back to life. Bee had disappeared for several cycles and reappeared with a limp that left him smiling.

Even when they fought it was still obvious how close they were. Four million years of war combined with the years of being unseen spectors at each other’s side gave them a large amount of ammunition to throw at each other, things that Windblade had no hope of ever knowing otherwise. If one of them mentioned something that crossed a line they immediately knew and forgot about the fight altogether to apologize and make up for it, continuing it later and in a much calmer way.

The way they moved, talked, and acted around each other, the obvious closeness and intimacy, the way they seemed to hang off of each other at times as if daring anyone to come break them apart. It all added to why Windblade felt like she didn’t always belong. Like she was gazing upon something private that she wasn’t supposed to be seeing.

She needed to tell them, she knew she should, but she didn’t want to ruin what they currently have. What if she’s right? What if they were thinking the exact same thing, that she’s an outsider, but just didn’t want to hurt her feelings and were waiting for her to either figure it out and leave or decide she didn’t want to be involved on her own so they can go back to their wonderful relationship?

It was stupid, of course they didn’t think that. This is just her own insecurities over how her last few attempts at a relationship have gone and are now projecting on this one combined with the fact that she’d not been in a relationship with two bots at the same time before. She knew what was causing this. It’s just that she didn’t know how to stop it.

She really should just talk to them.

\---------------

Starscream sometimes felt like an outsider.

He knew he was loved, Bee and Windblade weren’t the type of bots to lie about something like that, it’s just that he suspected that he’s not loved as much. 

How could he not think that though? He’s Starscream, the bot that had tortured Bumblebee during their first meeting and had done everything in his power to manipulate and break Windblade back when he had been ruler of Cybertron. The fact that they had any kind of love for him is a miracle in itself.

He loved the two of them so much. He would conquer the entire universe and lay it at their feet as a tribute of his undying love if it would make them simply smile and even that would feel inadequate. They’d saved him, given him so much joy and happiness and finally calmed the restlessness in his spark, gave him a frame that looked like what it should have been all those millions of years ago. He had to go by a different name and identity, but it was worth it to have this incredible life with them, to have this love. Starscream would never be able to pay them back.

He couldn't pay them back and that’s the problem.

He could name a million ways they had saved him and what had he done for them? Made their lives as awful and stressful as possible? Did his best to break them? Insulted and mocked them for their beliefs that had saved him in the end? He’d given them nothing and somehow they had found something to love behind his walls of shattered morals and broken trust. He just didn’t know how.

They were incredible and amazing, so good and kind and could have anyone they wanted, could just have each other, and yet he was a part of this. He didn’t trust it at all.

A voice, a dark voice, often whispered in the back of his mind that it’s only a matter of time before this ended. This beautiful and incredible happiness had to end at some point. They’re going to decide they don’t want him, that they’re better with just each other. It won’t surprise him. Despite not having met directly face to face, Bee and Windblade had become fast friends, becoming extremely close in a short amount of time. Bee had had feelings for her long before that, they’d figured that out when Starscream had confessed that he might be in love with both her and Bee, but somehow she had fallen for Bee so quickly even though she hadn’t known him long. Clicking so easily and getting together without any of the drama or growth he had to suffer to get them.

The two seemed to belong together, having similar senses of humor and interests, able to talk for hours on end without getting tired, having nearly the same moral code. They cared so much about others so easily and were always willing to help in whatever way they could. They were just so good and Star wasn’t.

He’d done so many horrible things in his life, hurt so many bots, hurt Bee and Windblade. He couldn't make up for it. He didn’t deserve them. They belonged together, practically soulmates, and one day they’d realize it too. That they didn’t need him. That they deserved someone better.

He should tell them, let them know that he’s aware of the inevitable, but he couldn't. He’s too selfish. He couldn't let them go yet. He couldn't lose this beautiful life they’d given him. He knew that it was going to end someday, it’s what always happened, but he didn’t care. He’s going to desperately hang onto this for as long as he could. Trying to pretend that there was no end.

\---------------

Sometimes Bumblebee felt like an outsider.

Now, this issue had nothing to do with Starscream or Windblade themselves, he knew they loved and cared for him and they’d never given him any indication that they felt otherwise. It was his own issues that were making him feel this way. The main issue being he had a habit of pushing the two of them together and leaving himself out.

He was pretty sure most of that came from his time stuck as a ghost with only Starscream able to see him. He’d watched as Starscream had fallen in love with Windblade and as she had started to warm up to him in a way. The entire time he had felt a kind of kinship with her as she struggled to deal with Starscream that had eventually turned into a fondness which had turned into love, and watching Starscream actually grow to care about someone and even come to love them on top of getting to see the better pieces of him that he had buried deep within his spark meant that Bee had quickly fallen for him too.

Of course, being a ghost meant that none of that mattered. Windblade didn’t know anything about him other than rumors and stories she had heard and she couldn’t even see or hear him. And while Starscream could, they were unable to touch in anyway. Plus he had believed Bee was simply a hallucination which add yet another roadblock. He wasn’t even sure how long he was going to last. He could have faded away at any moment, his weird limbo thing ending. There was just no way Bee would have been able to be with either of them. It was impossible. He had come to accept this even though it broke his spark. There wasn’t anything he could do about it.

He knew he wouldn’t be getting either of them so he had started trying to get them together instead. He could tell how much chemistry they had and was certain that with a bit of work, especially on Starscream, they could make each other happy. That’s all he could really ask for. The two bots he had fallen for to be able to find contentment and happiness in each other. It didn’t matter that he wanted to be with them so much that it hurt. As long as they were happy he would be alright.

Then suddenly, he was back. He was alive again and he still had no idea how. He didn’t really care though. He was here. He wasn’t dead anymore. He had a chance to find happiness with the bots he loved. He didn’t take that chance.

Bee had a lot of regrets from that time right after he had come back. He should have gone to introduced himself to Windblade right away, should have approached Starscream to let him know that those years together hadn’t been in his head, that they had actually happened. He didn’t though.

He’s not sure why, why he had made this decision to stay away, but he had. He didn’t approach either of them for whatever reason and missed one of his chances. Then Unicron happened and suddenly everyone was in danger of dying, so many people did, and Bee said some pretty rude things to Starscream. Things that he’s still beating himself up over. He will cut himself a little slack over the stressful situation going on and romance not being at the forefront of his mind, but he wishes he had reacted differently, especially when Starscream had died.

Of course as his life was determined to just be weird and confusing, Starscream had ended up as a ghost that only he could see and they’d been able to work through everything that had happened and had finally started dating, though it wasn’t until after he came back to life that they got with Windblade, an event that was one of the happiest in Bee’s life. He finally had both the bots he loved. Then the habit of pushing them together at his expense started back up.

He had both of them and they loved him, he knew that, he just sometimes noticed that he didn’t always see himself as part of the relationship. Thinking to himself how cute Starscream and Windblade were together, how well they meshed and complemented each other’s personalities, how happy they seemed with one another. Not seeing himself involved at all. 

Bee knew this isn’t a good habit and that he should stop, it could ruin their relationship if he kept going like this, but that’s a lot harder in practice. He also knew he should tell Starscream and Windblade, it's just that he didn’t want to put any pressure on them and have them think they’re a part of the problem when they’re not. It was all him and so he needed to fix it before it started to affect everyone else.  
\---------------

It was Starscream that snapped first.

He and Bee had been having an argument, something about Starscream needing to nicer and more sensitive to those whose planets had been destroyed by Unicron. It had quickly escalated into a shouting match.

Windblade was staying out of it, knowing that the two would quickly resolve the issue. Bee wouldn’t be able to stand the yelling for much longer and would storm off to the berthroom to cool down and Starscream would retreat to the balcony. Whichever one calmed down first, though that was usually Bee as he knew how to better deal with his emotions, would then go to the other and they would talk it out in a much calmer manner. Windblade was a little envious of that at times.

She knew what to expect from this fight, what was going to happen. At least, she thought she did. Turns out, she was horribly wrong.

“Well if I’m so horrible to be around, then why don’t the two of you just go off by yourself! Might as well speed up the process!” Starscream screeched, a look of shock flashing over his face when he realized what he just said.

The room went silent, Windblade and Bee staring at Starscream, too surprised by the outburst and its contents to think of what to say. Finally though, Bee broke the heavy silence.

“Star…” he said quietly, using the new nickname he’d come up with recently.

Starscream seemed to awaken at the sound of the name, shaking his helm slowly and starting to turn away. Starting to shut down and block them out. “Sorry. I’ll try to be more considerate in the future,” he mumbled, freezing when Bee reached out and grabbed his servo.

“Forget about that, it’s not important right now,” he said, stepping forward. “What are you talking about Star? You’re not horrible, and we’re definitely not going to leave you. Right, Blade?” They both looked at her, Bee’s optics filled with worry while Starscream simply glanced at her out of the corners of his optics, waiting for her response.

Windblade stared dumbly for a moment, not expecting to be brought into the conversation. After a couple of moments though, she was able to bring herself back. “Of course we’re not going to leave you,” she said, standing up and approaching them. “What gave you that idea?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” He waved them off, trying to retreat into himself. “Just forget about it.”

“No, you’re not brushing this off,” Bee told him softly, moving to where Starscream would have to look at him. “Something’s wrong. It’s alright, you can tell us. We’re here for you.”

Windblade reached out and layed a servo on Starscream’s shoulder, giving him a small, encouraging smile when he looked at her. She knew it was hard for him to talk about his feelings and emotions even now after so much time together, but she was determined to let him know that she and Bee were safe. He could tell them anything and they’d do whatever they could to help him.

“...damn you both…” he muttered, slumping over slightly and allowing himself to be led over to the couch, giving up on trying to resist.

They sat him down first, Bee quickly curling up against his side and allowing himself to be snuggled close while Windblade sat on the other side laying her head on Starscream’s shoulder and lacing their digits together. For several moments, no one said anything, just allowed themselves to get comfortable. Waiting for the dam to break.

Bee was, as usual, the first to speak. “Star, why did you say that? Why would you think we would leave you?” His words were soft and steady, yet full of concern. Starscream glanced at him for a moment before turning to stare at the wall across from them. When he spoke, his voice was full of uncharacteristic timidness.

“I just, I don’t...” He shook his helm a few times as he tried to figure out how to word it while Windblade and Bee waited patiently. “Sometimes I just, I feel like I don’t belong in the relationship.”

Windblade felt like someone had just dropped a cube of precious energon on the ground. Shocked, cold, sad. How was Starscream feeling like he didn’t belong in the relationship? That’s what she felt. How was he feeling like that too?

“Why are you feeling like that?” Bee asked, voice shaking slightly as he looked at Star with worry. Windblade suddenly felt a bit guilty for not immediately asking this question herself and instead being caught up in her own shock over Starscream feeling like she did at times. Yet another reason the two were perfect for each other.

“Because you’re both just so, well, you!” Starscream explained, continuing to stare at the opposite wall. “You’re so good and kind and it all comes so easily to you while I have to struggle with this everyday. I want to be better, I want to be good like you, but I’m not. I can’t be. Too much has happened and I’m completely broken and nothing can fix that. I don’t deserve either of you and you’d be better off without me and one day you’ll realize it and I’m so scared for that day because I don’t want to lose you. I owe everything I am now to both of you, as broken and tainted as it is still, and I can never repay that.”

“Star…” Bee began, no doubt having some long speech about how incredible and amazing Starscream was, but was quickly interrupted by Windblade bursting into laughter.

She nearly doubled over with the force of it, sounding almost hysterical. Star was staring at her with hurt and anger while Bee just looked shocked and confused. A flash of guilt ran through her, but she couldn’t help it!

“Glad to know my struggles are so amusing to you,” Starscream snapped, glaring at her in justified anger. “At least one of us is having a good time right now.”

“I-I’m sorry,” she wheezed out, trying to take some deep vents to calm her laughter. “It’s just-it’s just that I can’t believe that you feel that way-!”

“And why is that?” he growled.

“Because I sometimes feel like that!”

Starscream and Bee stared at her in surprise, their previous anger and confusion gone in the face of her confession.

“Blade…?”

“It’s just that, well, you two are so close and you can practically see the love and attraction oozing off of you and it’s obvious how much you care about each other. You know each other in a way I never can and I just sometimes feel that I’m an outsider looking at something I can never have.” She buried her face in her servos. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me. You just kinda caught me off guard with that.”

It was Bee turn to laugh now, his soft giggles ringing out. “And what are you laughing at?” Starscream demanded which only set Bee off more. After a moment though, he spoke.

“Looks like this is a problem that the three of us share,” he said rather cheerfully for someone who just admitted he feels like he doesn’t belong in their relationship. Windblade even felt a bit more concerned for him than she did for Starscream because of it and even he looked extremely worried for Bee. Had Bee finally broke?

“Uh, Bee, what do you mean by that?” Windblade asked, though she was sure she knew the answer. Bee felt like he didn’t belong. All three of them felt like they didn’t belong in some way.

“Well, it doesn’t really have much to do with the way you two act or treat me or anything,” Bee told them. “It’s mostly my own bad habit that I can’t shake.”

“What habit?”

“When I was stuck as a ghost I started falling for you, both of you, but I believed there was no chance I’d ever get to have an actual relationship. How could I? I was dead. Blade couldn’t see me and didn’t know I existed at all and Star thought I was a hallucination.”

“I thought I already apologized for that,” Starscream grumbled guiltily. Bee smiled at him and gave him a quick squeeze.

“And I’ve already forgiven you. At the time though, it added to me not believing that I’d ever get to be with either of you and on top of that, I was always scared of how long I was going to last. Was I going to be stuck like that forever? Or would I just one day fade away? The future was so uncertain so I thought there’s no point in even hoping. So I kinda started wanting you to get together. If I couldn’t be with you then maybe you’d be able to make each other happy in a way I couldn’t have. And some of that held over when I came back and we actually started this relationship.”

“Oh Bee,” Windblade sighed as she reached out her servo to lace their digits together, “you should have told us.”

“And you should have told us about your problem,” he countered. “And Star should have told us his. We all need to work on communicating with each other it seems.”

As usual, Bee was right about this. They should have told each other long before this. Who knows what they’d missed out on because they’d all been feeling this way?

“You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I guess I was just, well, afraid of it all being confirmed true.” Bee smiled at her softly and squeezed her servo.

“It’s just something we’ll have to try to do better in the future,” he said, glancing up at a strangely quiet Starscream. “All of us.”

Starscream overdramatically rolled his optics. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” Windblade decided to ignore the way he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her and Bee in close enough that they were nearly on top of him. 

For several moments, the three just sat there in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. There were still some things that needed to be said, however, and again it was Bee who brought them up first.

“Hey, Blade?” he said after a while, leaning forward to see her better.

“Yeah, what is it, Bee?”

“I just want you to know that you are in fact a part of this relationship. Yeah, Star and I have known each other longer, but this is all still new to us. I’ve never been in a serious relationship like this before and I know for a fact Star hasn’t ever been in this healthy of one.”

“Hey!”

“Oh don’t act like it’s not true. Anyhow, what I’m trying to say is that you’re a part of this relationship just as much as we are and we love you so much. I cannot tell you how slagging overjoyed I was when you decided to say yes to being with us and I know Star was too. We don’t want to be without you with us, nothing’s going to change that.”

Windblade felt a warmth running through her spark at the words. Bee looked so genuine and loving, she just wanted to grab him and kiss him senseless. Before she could though, he’d turned to Starscream and was addressing him. She’d have to give him his kisses later.

“And Star, I know all of this is hard for you and you’re doing amazing at it. You’ve grown and changed so much, become so much better and it’s always been inside of you. You chose to change, to fight to become better and now you’re amazing and sweet and funny and I love every moment I get to spend with you and I’m sure Blade thinks that too. We wouldn’t be here with you if we didn’t. I can’t guarantee this will last forever, but I can say that I sure hope it lasts for a long time.”

“He’s right,” Windblade cut in before Starscream could speak. “You were awful when I first met you, but you changed. Became someone good, someone that was in here,” she placed her free servo on his chest over his spark chamber, “all along. Someone that I, that we, grew to love. You were broken before, torn down by a world against you, but now that’s not the case. You’re incredible and we love you so much and don’t ever plan on leaving you if we can help it.”

Starscream stared at them, at a loss for words, quietly whispering, “Oh…” as he pulled them in closer to where they were on top of him. Neither protested the slightly uncomfortable position caused they their kibble, instead just snuggling in.

Windblade wasn’t done though. Turning to Bee, she fixed him with a look. “And you, I know you’re in the habit of pushing your own problems to the side, but you really do need to stop doing that. You’re important to us, we love you so much and wouldn’t dream of not having you in our lives. I know that this is a bit different than the other times, but you still need to learn that it’s alright to worry about your own problems too, alright?” She waited for him to nod in understanding before continuing. “You belong with us. I’m not sure how or why, but you’re here for a reason, with us for a reason. You’ve been given a second chance at life and you deserve to enjoy as much of it as you can. Be a bit selfish. You deserve it.”

Bee giggled again, pulling Windblade’s servo up to his lips to press a quick kiss to her digits as he murmured a thank you, his doorwings twitching slightly in joy. Great Solus Prime he’s adorable.

“Hey, uh,” Starscream said, seeming a bit uncomfortable. “I just want you both to know that I love you, a lot, and I don’t want either of you to feel like you don’t belong. I can’t imagine being without you at this point and I really do owe a lot to you. So just, well, just know that I hope we can be together for a long time. All three of us.”

“Aww, you do care,” Windblade teased, laughing as Starscream glared at her. She leaned up to give him a quick kiss as an apology before snuggling in close, feeling a lot better now that she’d gotten that off of her chest. Not everything would be completely fixed right away, they would still need to work on this, but at least now they knew about the problem and could work to fix it. Together.

“So how long until this stops being an issue,” Starscream asked, “or is it going to be one of those long and tiring emotional things you two are so ridiculously fond of?”

That had both of them snickering. As much as Starscream complained and continued to pretend to be allergic to feelings and other “gross” things like that, they knew he enjoyed them and that he loved feeling comfortable enough to share.

“Probably going to take a while, Star,” Bee told him, laughing at the annoyed sigh.

“Rude.”

“You know you love them, “ Windblade teased, able to feel the smile against her helm.

This was nice. This sweet, gentle bantering, the love radiating from the two mechs beside her, the love she felt for them. It was perfect. She felt perfect. She felt like she belonged. Windblade shuttered her optics and decided to enjoyed this moment of peace before Bee and Starscream started back up their argument from earlier.

“...could be a bit nicer to the organics, you know.”

“Shush, that barely matters.”

“Oh so being respectful barely matters, huh?”

And there they go.


End file.
